Ready for a new Year~

Wow, I can't believe it's been since September since I have posted anything. We have been busy but nothing to major has been going on. I will try to catch up since then... We headed to Florida for Fall Break with Howie's sister and her family. The girls absolutely love playing together and I can't think of a better place to play than in Florida and on the beach! We also had great weather which helped a bunch too :)

Emma has now officially lost 3 teeth this year! I really can't believe she has lost so many but the two on the bottom already had a permanent tooth behind it so they were ready. She lost her first front tooth right before Halloween and looks adorable with her missing front tooth. We think the other front tooth will be missing soon as well. It's getting pretty loose as well.... Just part of growing up which on that front she is now 5! So hard for me to beleive that it has been 5 years already since she was born. What an amazing 5 years it has been as well.

We had Thanksgiving here at our home with Howie's family and then on that Friday we went to Nashville with my family. Something different to do on Thanksgiving but it was fun. For Emma's big Birthday party we had a pajama party / slumber party here at the house. Some think I was crazy to try it but it really, really did turn out great. We had 11 girls spend the night and for the most part it was the first time any of these girls had stayed all night somewhere other than with family. They all did great and not one fight or one tear that they wanted to go home!! I call that a success.

Christmas was exciting as always and Emma really was looking forward to leaving cookies and milk to Santa and all the fun traditions that go along with Christmas. Her special gift from mommy and daddy is a trip to Disney!! It will be her first trip and I can't wait to see her sweet face just light up when she sees everything down there. Our trip is January so I will post all about the fun when we get home.

December has been quite an interesting month for us. I won't go into much detail but lets just say the emotional rollercoaster that I would love to leave behind poked it's head this past month. Ever since Emma was born the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas has become extra special. She was born right after Thanksgiving of 2003 and there was a good chance she could have been on Turkey Day but she waited and let us enjoy our Turkey that year. Since then I really get sentimental around that time and it just stays with me. I hold onto those precious memories because I know she maybe the only miracle baby I ever have and everything surrounding her delivery was special.

I had a revelation back in December about my infertilty journey. I used to think that I didn't think about our situation everyday but then I realized at some point it does show it's ugly head. I then came to terms that it was ok. It is a part of me and has been a part of our lives for 9 years now. Some people may think that when you decide to close that chapter of seeking medical treatment you probably just give up the dream of having kids or you just get over the feelings, etc... Some women might but I haven't at least not yet. I realized it's ok that I haven't given up those feelings. They are my feelings, my story my life and I am allowed to have them. I don't let them control my life and my everyday living but they are present and sometimes more strongly than other times.

I have had 2 sweet and dear friends just go through IVF. Thankfully they are pregnant and are so blessed to have life growing in them. It's still a raw and very tough tug at my heart when I hear or see somebody is pregnant. How long will this last? I have no idea. I wish I could turn off a button inside my heart and be done but it's just not simple. As I have told some of lately, this dream of having children was very present before I had even met Howie. Being a mother of more than 1 child was a dream I had had for so many years and now that dream is being played out differently. I am so thankful for Emma and thank God so many times throughout the day for His precious gift when He answered our prayers.

In Sunday School today we were talking about how God's promise of not withholding any good thing from us. Sometimes he protects us by not answering those prayers we have in the way we want them and that is something I am working through each and everyday. He did answer Hannah's prayer by blessing her with Samuel and then with other children after him. Why hasn't God answered our prayer with a second child? Is He protecting our hearts from further heartache? Or is He teaching us to wait on Him and His perfect timing. We don't know and we probably will never know. Such a lesson in faith that I never dreamed I would be living.

So as 2009 has entered in and 2008 has ended I am ready for a new year. We know that there won't be any trips to New York City or back to Nashville this year for a certain purpose. We know that God is so good and full of blessings and love and grace. We know that we are so thankful for a healthy family. We know that we love each of you who has kept us in your prayers along the way. We thank you for those because I know they have helped me along some dark days and have lifted my spirits when I was in need.

I hope 2009 is a year full of love, blessings and God's presence in each of your lives~
Lisa