I have sat and written and re-written this post in my head since Saturday night. I had debated about even posting these thoughts but here I am writing for some reason. Saturday night I was in Nashville eating at one of my favorite places with Howie, Emma and one of my best friends from high school. My birthday is today, so Andrea and I met and had an hour of spa treatment and then off to dinner. They brought out a dessert with a candle. Oh the traditional candle to make a wish with. Up until now I probably have wished every year since 2001 for a healthy and happy baby. This year I sat there not really knowing what to wish for.
When I was at the spa filling out my paperwork it asked if you were trying to get pregnant so they would know I guess what kind of treatment to avoid. For the first time since 2001 I haven't checked a box indicating that I wasn't trying to get pregnant. It was an odd moment that I hadn't expected to be dealing with. Are we trying or not trying. This is the next set of emotions or changes that I am having to deal with and that I am praying about. What do I pray about? What birthday wish do I make when I blow out the candle?
This is the time I have to completely let go and just know that God is in control and His plan for us will be carried out in His time. I have no idea if there will be another child for us. I have no idea when or if it may happen. For the first time since 2002 we have no plan. There have been plenty of times during the past 6 years we didn't have an active plan and whatever happened along the way would be fine. We have prayed and thanked God for another child and now I don't know if I keep praying for that or now is the time to stop praying for that one prayer request that has been on my heart all these years.
When we were married in 1999 I thought I had my life planned out like so many of us do when we get married. I was 28 and I had "planned" to have our first child when I was 30. Our second baby would come when I was 32 and our last kiddo would pop out when I would turn 35. Some plan that I thought was perfect. Little did I know that God would have something totally different in store for us. Now I am 37 and in my little plan I would have a 7 year old , a 5 year old and 2 year old by now. In God's plan and His perfect plan that it is, I have 1 precious and healthy 4 1/2 year old. A child that is truly a miracle.
What lies ahead of us is the unexpected but whatever it is God will reveal when His time is right for us. So tonight when we had dinner with my parents and Emma couldn't wait to blow out that last candle of my birthday no wish was made. Just a smile that I had my sweet girl to my left and my precious husband to my right and that I had another birthday to celebrate. That's enough to be thankful for.
Blessings and love~
Lisa
2 comments:
Lisa,
He makes all things beautiful, in his time. Ecc. 3:11
I love you,
Tricia
What a great post. Those unexpected moments seem to creep in at the most random times, whether it's making a wish or simply checking a box on a form. I am a total planner and I dread the day when I don't even know what to hope for our future, it must be hard to be there. I will pray that God gives you peace with where you are now and maybe a little wisdom for the direction of your future hopes and prayers. I miss you!
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